Warning: This blog is inappropriate. If you are uncomfortable with a departure from Propriety, this blog may not be for you. This blog has been rated BM for.......well, you'll figure it out.
Glorioski, Pilgrim! It’s been so long since I’ve had a fully-caffeinated cup of Joe, I had forgotten! I had forgotten the magical, medicinal properties of the bean!
I drink coffee every day, but I had taken to mixing mine half-caffeine/half-decaf, because I drink so much of it, after a while it can make me nauseous. The other day I was out of coffee and I had to hit the Caribou Coffee drive-thru. Well! Katie bar the door! The difference was quite astounding.
You might think me indelicate (I am) but can we talk? Because I have been PLAGUED by a digestive tract only slightly slower than the Earth’s orbit around the sun. I have tried various and sundry remedies. My pantry has enough fiber in it to weave a sturdy rope and swing safely over a pit of alligators without fear of falling. But I get no results. I get nuthin. I get gas.
The truth is, it’s probably a short-lived remedy. It’s probably only a matter of time until the “Ol’ Stagnant” figures out what this stuff is and steels its girders or girds its steel sides against the onslaught. But for now…
I’m light as a feather! A new woman! I have vim! Vigor! Pep! There’s a twinkle in my eye and a spring in my step – and I owe it all to the Magic Bean.
OH MY GOD I AM ON THE FLOOR! Laura, this is hysterical. This is funny and very, very good. I love what you said about having enough fiber to weave a sturdy rope to swing across a pit of alligators. PRICELESS! I love how you call your GI tract "Old Stagnant." Oh my god I am convulsing over here. "Steels its girders.." You are killing me. Hooray for the magic bean!
ReplyDeleteyou can never go wrong with full strength, full caffeine, magic beans.
ReplyDeletei am honored by your comments. it's a tricky subject. but i felt compelled to broach it.
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