Mom's Banana Bread

I just baked up some banana bread. I got this recipe from Mom years ago and I think it's a great and easy recipe.

Mix together:
1/2 cup butter
1 cup sugar
2 eggs

Add: 3 bananas, mashed
Then add:
2 cups flour
1 tsp soda

Then add: about 1/2 cup nuts, ground to a fine meal

Bake at 350 in loaf pan for 1 hour.
This recipe is so easy, there's no reason to ever buy a banana bread mix!

yuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Kegeling

Kegel, kegel, kegel, kegel, kegel
Kegel, kegel, kegel, kegel, kegel
Kegel, kegel, kegel, kegel, kegel

If I type 3 sets is it the same as doing them?

Kegeling sounds like the olympic sport where you push those little pots down the ice and sweep frantically in front of them.

It sounds like an old Norwegian custom involving singing, throwing fish, and eating krumkake. Or a really big bump on a ski slope. Or a beer measurement: "that guy can drink 15 metric kegels of beer!" Or the act of rolling around on the floor in an aimless pattern.

Sounds innocuous enough. 

Oh, but it isn't.

Supposedly, both women and men can benefit from doing kegels. They are an integral part of strengthening exercises for the core muscle group that supports the lower back. So they tell me.

That doesn't mean they are fun to do. Not as much fun as throwing fish and eating krumkake.

Exploding Heads - Addendum

My head exploded in a burst of glory on Saturday, December 4, spraying the walls, ceiling and racks of clothing at Maurice's.

I didn’t want to go anywhere. I was bloated and cranky. But I needed to check out a certain brand of jeans that is supposed to look good on fat asses, so I went out. (I stayed all night, the next night too. I’d be there still, no doubt. But I had to do an errand, so the next night, I went out. **)

I had tried on about 10 pairs without having to engage in much conversation with anyone, when a sales clerk spied me and said, “Has anyone been helping you? Have they told you about these jeans?” I mumbled something like, “Oh, not really, but I found what I wanted.” WHAT WAS I THINKING? Please see above: I wasn’t.

And then it was like someone flipped a switch! She said, “blah blah blah 20% off of any sweater if you buy blah blah blah Maurices credit card blah blah blah blahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” And I said “well, thank you but no thank you and I don’t want a Maurice’s card.” Ah, but she was not so easily denied. And she said, “Oh, but blah blah blah blah blah blah!!”

I left her standing there, by the rack of fleece-lined sweatshirts, and escaped to the check out counter. And the girl said, “CanIpleasehaveyourphone numberDowehaveyouremailaddresstoreceivespecialoffersAreyouawareofourspecialtodayifyoubuyapairofjeansyoucanget20%offanysweater….”

It took every bit of my strength not to scream at her and say, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WOMAN! JUST LET ME PAY FOR MY PANTS AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!!” Oh, but I was screaming it inside, I tell you!!

Yeesh. Then my head exploded. 

**taken from What Was I Scared Of by Dr. Seuss

Current Address: The State of Self-Denial

It occurs to me that the older we get, the more we deny ourselves. This seems somehow the opposite of the way things ought to be. We should get license to allow ourselves more, the longer we're here --  why isn't it working that way?

I deny myself so many things: donuts, chocolate, potato chips, staying up late, relaxing instead of exercising, movie popcorn, new underwear……….I’m forever telling myself no.

Why am I thusly compelled? What is behind this perpetual state of self-denial? I’ll tell you: It’s GUILT. Self-Denial is driven by Guilt. Self-Denial and Guilt pull up in front of my house in an old, rusted-out Chevy van, and just sit there. If I don’t open the door to Self-Denial, then Guilt will leave the van, come INto my house and just follow me around through every room  --  an unwanted, unwelcome guest.  Saying no to things I want is the only way to keep Guilt out at the curb.

Well, I’m tired of it, really. I want to relish and revel. Why can’t I relish things? Why can’t I revel?  A life of self-denial is a boring life indeed. Give me that cheeseburger with bacon and fries, I tell you, and leave the cottage cheese in the kitchen!! Do I really want my potentially last moments on this Earth to be ones of restraint and longing??

Guilt, you fiend, release me from your hellish grasp!! Loose me among the grocery aisles and lingerie departments of this world to run free and unfettered, gathering as I go, till from my arms spill forth a wealth of foodstuffs, panties, and sundries! Oh Life, is it too late? Am I too weak? Can I win the battle? And if I do - what will become of me?  

Mediocrity

A fun little poem for your Friday

I’m swimming in a sea of mediocrity
I am fighting the battle of the bland
Where it rears its ugly head
I will strive to strike it dead
Upon the rock of excellence I stand

“Mediocrity!!” I give a noble shout
I must set my standards high and hold on fast
Raise my fist up to the sky:
“I must care, lest I die!”
And I’ll do it with distinction to the last

Though the way is fraught with trouble, I press on
For ‘tis hard to always choose the better course
Some my works commend
Others I’ll offend
For these casualties I cannot feel remorse

“Mediocrity!! I scream - Mediocrity!!”
Am I the only one who cares at all????
If you can’t do something well
Do you say ‘oh what the hell?’
I must be the only one whom this appalls!

I’m swimming in a sea of mediocrity
Above the briny tomb of apathy and doom
Though I’m tossed upon its waves
I will never grace its grave
For mediocrity I say there is no room!!

Exploding Heads - Another Rant

Warning: this is just a bitchy rant. There are no graphic images of exploding heads. Sorry to disappoint you.

My head is about to explode. I can only take so much I tell you  - only so much! Because all I want, really is to be left alone. Is that such a bad thing? Is that bad karma, Karma Chameleon? Why must I be accosted daily by members of the madding crowd? All I’m asking for is a little space.

Rare is the occasion when I can make it through a check out stand these days without being bombarded:

“How are you today?”

“Would you like to save 10% today by signing up for our charge card?”

“Do we have your email address?”

“Are you sure?? – You know you can receive valuable coupons in the mail.”

“My name is Thelma. If you go on line and fill out this survey, be sure to tell them what great customer service I gave you today.”  

“You saved $2.21 today!”

“Here’s a little smiley face I put on every receipt, so that you get at least one smile from someone today.”

“Do you have your Rewards card with you today?”

“Have a good evening.”

“Have a great day.”

“Have a good weekend.”

“You folks have a great weekend.”

I resent being put on the spot -- when I am tired and just want to go home -- about donating to a cause: “Would you like to spend an extra $1 today to help spay or neuter a poor, homeless kitty?” It’s only a buck, so I feel like a jerk if I say, “uh, not today.” But that’s not the point! Why must I even be made to consider whether I would rather be pressured into paying an extra dollar, or look like a schmuck? Why must I be forced to do the mental gymnastics?? Why must I deal with it??

And here’s another thing that really gets me, “Did you find everything okay today?” I’m thinking, “Look, lady, I am here at the CHECKOUT, would I be paying if I hadn’t found everything???” Does she think I just abandoned my shopping halfway through, due to frustration or a possible mental impairment and ended up at the checkout? Does she think I happened to wander into the checkout line, accidental-like, and might not actually realize where I am? Is she really concerned about whether I found everything? What’s she gonna do about it if I say no? Does she expect me to believe that she is going to just up and abandon her post to assist me in the completion of my shopping list??  Or did she just say it to make stupid, meaningless conversation.

Meaningless conversation exhausts me.

Yeah, yeah, I understand exchanging pleasantries and all that. But it's a gauntlet out there - between supermarkets, retails stores, and restaurants - everybody's gotta have their schtick these days. And it's not doing so much for me.  What would be so wrong about just a nice, nod and a sweet, closed-mouth smile at the checkout between both parties? Or even maybe just an acknowledging nod that says, “Gotcha. I’m doin’ what I need to do, and you’re doin’ what you need to do.” And then………blissful, ear-shattering SILENCE. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Things That Don't Go Well With Cold Weather

Cold Suppers
Pumping gas
Watermelon
Falling down on the ground
Ice cold beer
Patio sitting
Sun bathing
Ponytails
Linen
Ceiling fans
Driving with your windows down
Aluminum bleachers
Walking into the wind
A stiff breeze
Early mornings
Shopping
Children in car seats
Kite flying
Snorkeling
Nachos at an outdoor event

Things that do:

muk luks
whale blubber
woolen underwear