My head is about to explode. I can only take so much I tell you - only so much! Because all I want, really is to be left alone. Is that such a bad thing? Is that bad karma, Karma Chameleon? Why must I be accosted daily by members of the madding crowd? All I’m asking for is a little space.
Rare is the occasion when I can make it through a check out stand these days without being bombarded:
“How are you today?”
“Would you like to save 10% today by signing up for our charge card?”
“Do we have your email address?”
“Are you sure?? – You know you can receive valuable coupons in the mail.”
“My name is Thelma. If you go on line and fill out this survey, be sure to tell them what great customer service I gave you today.”
“You saved $2.21 today!”
“Here’s a little smiley face I put on every receipt, so that you get at least one smile from someone today.”
“Do you have your Rewards card with you today?”
“Have a good evening.”
“Have a great day.”
“Have a good weekend.”
“You folks have a great weekend.”
I resent being put on the spot -- when I am tired and just want to go home -- about donating to a cause: “Would you like to spend an extra $1 today to help spay or neuter a poor, homeless kitty?” It’s only a buck, so I feel like a jerk if I say, “uh, not today.” But that’s not the point! Why must I even be made to consider whether I would rather be pressured into paying an extra dollar, or look like a schmuck? Why must I be forced to do the mental gymnastics?? Why must I deal with it??
And here’s another thing that really gets me, “Did you find everything okay today?” I’m thinking, “Look, lady, I am here at the CHECKOUT, would I be paying if I hadn’t found everything???” Does she think I just abandoned my shopping halfway through, due to frustration or a possible mental impairment and ended up at the checkout? Does she think I happened to wander into the checkout line, accidental-like, and might not actually realize where I am? Is she really concerned about whether I found everything? What’s she gonna do about it if I say no? Does she expect me to believe that she is going to just up and abandon her post to assist me in the completion of my shopping list?? Or did she just say it to make stupid, meaningless conversation.
Meaningless conversation exhausts me.
Yeah, yeah, I understand exchanging pleasantries and all that. But it's a gauntlet out there - between supermarkets, retails stores, and restaurants - everybody's gotta have their schtick these days. And it's not doing so much for me. What would be so wrong about just a nice, nod and a sweet, closed-mouth smile at the checkout between both parties? Or even maybe just an acknowledging nod that says, “Gotcha. I’m doin’ what I need to do, and you’re doin’ what you need to do.” And then………blissful, ear-shattering SILENCE. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
The checkout woman at Hy Vee flirted with me this evening. She was cute, but of course, married. It still felt good, though.
ReplyDeletei try to do all my shopping under the influence....that way,,nothing bothers me.
ReplyDeletenow THAT is a good idea!
ReplyDeleteI am sure the poor clerks have been instructed that they have to engage customers in conversation to build a "relationship" with them to create customer loyalty. I'm always startled when the Starbucks people seem so interested in me, then I remember it's all part of the marketing scheme. Even though it is entirely artificial, maybe there is some residual benefit, like the way smiling is supposed to make you feel better even if you don't feel like it.
ReplyDeleteThe worst are the stores where employees are instructed to yell at you as soon as you walk in. "HELLO!!!!" They shout from behind their counter. It feels very intrusive to me. But then most social overtures from strangers do.
ReplyDeleteThere is very little real customer service anymore. Either you get a phone menu with no human to be found, or you get these phony pre-packaged scripts with questions that railroad you into giving only the desired response, and that offer no real help if you actually needed it.
I'll tell you what really sucks. Clothing stores that have NO MIRRORS. Old Navy has really gone downhill. Their clothes look cheaper and flimsier than ever, and they have like ONE mirror on the entire floor, so that if want to just throw on a cardigan to see how it looks, you can't. You have to walk all the way across the store to the dressing room. BLAHHCK!
ReplyDeleteevery time i go to publix (grocery store) i seem to end up in the check out line where a certain young man is bagging groceries. publix employs several down's syndrome young people (props to them), and this young boy is one. every time i begin to put my groceries on the belt, and he is there, his standard question is..."are you having a good day so far?" i have to smile, i just have to,,because he actually looks me in the eye, and waits for my answer. yeah,,customer service in most places has deteriorated in to customer non-service, so i'll take my lumps with the fake hellos and shouts from somewhere behind a counter.
ReplyDeleteThat's sweet. Our Hyvee employs down-syndrome baggers too.
ReplyDeleteI remember Publix, or Pubics, as we called it. That's mainly where I shopped in Miami. The alternative was Winn-Dixie, and those stores were always nasty dirty!!
"Fightly". He is speaking very fightly today.
ReplyDeletesometimes...someone really does make me smile. but mostly - not. i was starting to really get weirded out because every time i go into target - there are all these target employees stalking the aisles. if one of them sees you they will ask you "can i help you find something." i used to think, "what, am i going around with this pathetic, lost look on my face or something?"
ReplyDeletebut then someone who knows someone who works at target told me they have to do that. but it really stresses me and i avoid making eye contact with any target employee like the plague. after you are asked about 3 times in one store, it becomes veryyy annoying.
i used to get annoyed going in to blockbuster,,when they'd do the shout "hello" from wherever. now it seems best buy has also picked up that practice, and i hate best buy anyways...so it DOES annoy me. i usually mumble "hey". BUT---does that "hello" ever translate in to actual HELP in a best buy??? NO! only if you're young, and hip looking. middle aged white women are totally on their own,,and THAT does tick me off.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I'm gonna rant about waiters and waitresses. They seem to have this built-in radar; if I don't want to be interrupted (maybe I'm engrossed in a good magazine or a lively conversation with someone) they'll be sure to butt in and ask me how the food is. But if I actually want some service, like does this restaurant have any damn SALT or am I the last one on the planet who uses salt any more, the wait person will have disappeared into the void, never to be seen again. I have disappeared lots of waiters this way; I'm surprised I haven't seen their pictures on milk cartons ("Have you seen her? Last seen waiting on Marc Briand at XYZ Cafe, etc...")
ReplyDeletehahahahahaaa!! good one, marc! and ps...i love salt!
ReplyDeleteOh, I know what you mean. It really irks me that it is when I am deep into a conversation, that the waitstaff has to barge in and ask how the food is. Then - as the meal wears on and I might actually need something, they are impossible to find.
ReplyDeleteThis would be crass, I suppose, but I wish there were little cards you could put on your table, whenever you wanted to be waited on. If they don't see the card on your table, it means leave you the hell alone.
Yeah, like those Do Not Disturb cards you hang on your door in hotels. Except these would be Stay the Fuck Away cards!
ReplyDeletetoday laura and i went to barnes and noble and i was asked three of the very type of questions that prompted laura b. to writ ethis rant..."do you have our rewards card?",,,,"do you have an email address?",,,,and "would you like tohelp with our holiday book drive?" no,,,no,,,and NO!had to laugh....
ReplyDeleteCan u believe what a jerk my mom was for not donating money at Barnes and Noble for the poor little elementary kids?????? How dare she.
ReplyDeleteAnd how dare me for driving right past all of these stupid bums out on every freakin corner beggin for money.
You are right, it is a battlefield.
laura batchman, would you consider a guest rant? 'cause i got one regarding airline armrest etiquette!
ReplyDeleterant away, my dear sis!!
ReplyDeletere: wait staff - wtf?? i have experienced similar. they swoop in just as your first bite is not even fully chewed in your mouth and ask, "how is everything?" then they are gone, never to be seen again till it's time to get the check and not even then sometimes.
on the opposite end are the hovering wait staff types. they're back every 45 seconds to see if you need anything, or refill the water glass that has barely been sipped. somewhere a happy medium must occur.
ReplyDelete