Mediocrity

A fun little poem for your Friday

I’m swimming in a sea of mediocrity
I am fighting the battle of the bland
Where it rears its ugly head
I will strive to strike it dead
Upon the rock of excellence I stand

“Mediocrity!!” I give a noble shout
I must set my standards high and hold on fast
Raise my fist up to the sky:
“I must care, lest I die!”
And I’ll do it with distinction to the last

Though the way is fraught with trouble, I press on
For ‘tis hard to always choose the better course
Some my works commend
Others I’ll offend
For these casualties I cannot feel remorse

“Mediocrity!! I scream - Mediocrity!!”
Am I the only one who cares at all????
If you can’t do something well
Do you say ‘oh what the hell?’
I must be the only one whom this appalls!

I’m swimming in a sea of mediocrity
Above the briny tomb of apathy and doom
Though I’m tossed upon its waves
I will never grace its grave
For mediocrity I say there is no room!!

Exploding Heads - Another Rant

Warning: this is just a bitchy rant. There are no graphic images of exploding heads. Sorry to disappoint you.

My head is about to explode. I can only take so much I tell you  - only so much! Because all I want, really is to be left alone. Is that such a bad thing? Is that bad karma, Karma Chameleon? Why must I be accosted daily by members of the madding crowd? All I’m asking for is a little space.

Rare is the occasion when I can make it through a check out stand these days without being bombarded:

“How are you today?”

“Would you like to save 10% today by signing up for our charge card?”

“Do we have your email address?”

“Are you sure?? – You know you can receive valuable coupons in the mail.”

“My name is Thelma. If you go on line and fill out this survey, be sure to tell them what great customer service I gave you today.”  

“You saved $2.21 today!”

“Here’s a little smiley face I put on every receipt, so that you get at least one smile from someone today.”

“Do you have your Rewards card with you today?”

“Have a good evening.”

“Have a great day.”

“Have a good weekend.”

“You folks have a great weekend.”

I resent being put on the spot -- when I am tired and just want to go home -- about donating to a cause: “Would you like to spend an extra $1 today to help spay or neuter a poor, homeless kitty?” It’s only a buck, so I feel like a jerk if I say, “uh, not today.” But that’s not the point! Why must I even be made to consider whether I would rather be pressured into paying an extra dollar, or look like a schmuck? Why must I be forced to do the mental gymnastics?? Why must I deal with it??

And here’s another thing that really gets me, “Did you find everything okay today?” I’m thinking, “Look, lady, I am here at the CHECKOUT, would I be paying if I hadn’t found everything???” Does she think I just abandoned my shopping halfway through, due to frustration or a possible mental impairment and ended up at the checkout? Does she think I happened to wander into the checkout line, accidental-like, and might not actually realize where I am? Is she really concerned about whether I found everything? What’s she gonna do about it if I say no? Does she expect me to believe that she is going to just up and abandon her post to assist me in the completion of my shopping list??  Or did she just say it to make stupid, meaningless conversation.

Meaningless conversation exhausts me.

Yeah, yeah, I understand exchanging pleasantries and all that. But it's a gauntlet out there - between supermarkets, retails stores, and restaurants - everybody's gotta have their schtick these days. And it's not doing so much for me.  What would be so wrong about just a nice, nod and a sweet, closed-mouth smile at the checkout between both parties? Or even maybe just an acknowledging nod that says, “Gotcha. I’m doin’ what I need to do, and you’re doin’ what you need to do.” And then………blissful, ear-shattering SILENCE. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Things That Don't Go Well With Cold Weather

Cold Suppers
Pumping gas
Watermelon
Falling down on the ground
Ice cold beer
Patio sitting
Sun bathing
Ponytails
Linen
Ceiling fans
Driving with your windows down
Aluminum bleachers
Walking into the wind
A stiff breeze
Early mornings
Shopping
Children in car seats
Kite flying
Snorkeling
Nachos at an outdoor event

Things that do:

muk luks
whale blubber
woolen underwear